"I can't believe I did this to myself again, after all that hard work."
Those words on Instagram, stopped me in my tracks.
I could feel the writer's pain. The disappointment. The struggle. The heartbreak.
Life has a way of feeling circular sometimes and the spinning makes us ill.
What is one to do when they realize they have to cross over the same mountain again? When they stare so far up their neck hurts, yet still can't see the peak? It all seems so big. So monumental. So exhausting.
What is one to do when the hope they once had disappears? When the feelings of accomplishment are replaced with self-doubt? When the excitement that once lived is stifled out by the pain that now is?
What then? What now?
In the gospel of Mark (chapter 8), the disciples were upset because they feared they didn't have enough food.
Jesus heard the conversation:
"...He said to them, 'Why are you discussing the fact you have no bread? Don't you understand or comprehend? Do you have hardened hearts? Do you have eyes and not see; do you have ears and not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand...When I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand...Don't you understand yet?'"
The disciples had seen Jesus work wonders many times over, but their momentary struggle caused them to forget. All they could see was their lack. All they could feel were their hunger pains. All they could sense was their fear.
And before He did anything else, Jesus told them to simply remember. Remember His works from time before. Remember that He is a big God. Remember that He knows how to work miracles.
Last year, in the midst of our monumental marriage struggle, my amazing mentor told me to create a list of "wins." Moments where there was joy. Respite. Triumph. In the moments of distress, I looked at those wins and I remembered.
Thinking on those moments got me through. I had seen His hand move here...there...then. That remembering gave me hope.
Today, remember. Remember how God saw you through last time. How the trial made you stronger. How the hardship didn't suffocate you. How God showed you more about Himself - and yourself - in the most difficult moments.
Remembering will help you begin again. Help you to take one step in front of the other. Help you to find the courage to keep going. Remembering God will renew your strength.
Remember His faithfulness. How His wonders never cease. How He promises that He is with you always. He will never abandon you. Never cause your foot to slip. Never reject you.
Keep moving, friend. This is not the end of your journey.