Healing & Rest
Maybe it's trauma from the past, maybe you're in the thick of a trial, or maybe the two have collided, but healing is complicated any way you "slice the pie." One minute you think you have a handle on all the things and the next you are trembling and wondering if you'll ever feel "normal" again.
Healing can have so many layers. It's messy and confusing. It fools you into thinking you have jumped over the toughest hurdles before dropping a boulder right in front of you. Just as you begin to feel you are nearing the path of freedom, a chasm opens up and liberation seems further away than ever. The layers seem unending. The pain seems unceasing. The agony seems relentless.
Friend, show yourself grace. Healing is hard. You are doing a great job. Oh, I know it doesn't feel like it. I know there is frustration at yourself. Fear as you fight off lies. Disappointment when you realize that your "good day" was disrupted by emotions that you cannot control. But you are brave. You have proven yourself strong. You have shown you are resilient. You have tenacity and grit. You are a fighter.
What you need to do now is rest. Rest in God. The One who is "not impressed by the strength of a horse" and "does not value the power of a warrior." Instead He "values those who fear Him, those who put their hope in His faithful love." (Psalm 147:10-11)
It's easy to forget that God is not looking for self-made powerhouses. He desires humility. Weakness to be admitted and then exchanged for HIS strength. He desires connection that comes from a heart of longing to know Him more. He is the God of great power and endless understanding. He wants you to place all hope (trust, expectation, desire) in Him. In Matthew 11, He welcomes you to bring your weary and burdened soul to Him. He gives protection when you hand over your troubles. He promises peace as your mind depends on Him. (Isaiah 26:3)
So cease from striving. Look up. Breathe in. Fix your eyes on Him. REST.
As you do, may your life express the admiration that can only come from intimately knowing Him. From understanding who you are in Him: Chosen. Adopted. Established. Blameless. Holy. Sanctified. Endowed with His strength. A beautiful creation made in His image. Dearly, dearly loved.
May His heartbeat be yours. May thoughts of Him captivate your mind. May you lay down the need to control and hold fast to His promise to transform you even more into His image as you gaze on His glory. (2 Corinthians 3:48)
It's all going to work out. The God who was with You in the most difficult of days is with You in these trying days as well.
So praise. Praise now and praise big. Jeremiah had it right when he said, "For You are my praise." (Jeremiah 17:14) May your praise be pleasant and loving - a sweet aroma to Him.