Relapse

-



“A relapse is defined as the worsening of a clinical condition that had previously improved.”


I stared at this definition for a solid 30 minutes. I’ve mentioned before that I am in recovery for an eating disorder. Now, I’m at the beginning stages of recovery from a relapse. This isn’t my first slip-up, but it’s my first full-blown relapse, and I feel like a failure.


So what’s one to do when the sin that so easily besets us becomes more than a temptation? What happens when it becomes a reality?


Run to Jesus.


Read that again.


RUN TO JESUS.


It’s what both of my mentors and my husband have told me to do. It’s also what His Word tells us to do - run to Him.


Here’s the thing though, I keep thinking about how easy it was for the people in the bible to run to Jesus because He was in their physical presence. 


“As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.” - Mark 9:15


It’s not as easy now. Not when I can’t “see” Him. 


Except, it is as easy. My shame just makes me complicate it. But, I know Him as my Savior. His death saved my life. His death covered my sin. His death covers ALL my sin.


In running to Jesus I find myself praying these words, “Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed” (Jeremiah 17:14). But the verse doesn’t end there. It goes on to say, “Save me and I will be saved, for YOU ARE MY PRAISE.”


This means I can approach Him with arms wide open. I don’t need to let my shame prevent me from praising Him. I don’t need to let my sorrow keep me from worshiping Him. And, I certainly don’t need my frailty to stop me from loving Him.


So, in this moment, I will run. Straight to Jesus. I’ll allow Him to take the broken pieces of me and form something new. 


“Yet You, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand.” - Isaiah 64:8


May you run to Jesus, too...no matter how conflicted you may feel. There’s healing for you in His presence.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

For the Weary on Mother's Day Weekend

-
Image
T he first phrase that comes to mind when I think of Mother's Day is "ugly-beautiful."  Christian author Ann Voskamp refers to this as when something beautiful comes out of something hideous, dark, and overwhelming. The ugly-beautiful. It's why I tolerate Mother's Day, and why I hate it. Hate is a strong word suited only for those things we detest the most. Hate is fitting for this. Because while I'm celebrating the beautiful, someone else is wrestling with the ugly. Someone is facing the loss of a child. A miscarriage, a stillbirth, a death of one who breathed on this earth...it's all just LOSS. Someone is throwing a pregnancy test across the bathroom and when it falls to the ground, it's as if another piece of her heart falls right along with it. Someone is trying to navigate this journey of life without the unconditional love of a mother because for some reason her mother's love is conditional. Someone is grieving the loss of her own mother, lon
Read more

Reveal Your Identity & Share Your Story

-
Image
He appeared to be having an identity crisis. This boy of mine, with a spirit full of joy and an imagination full of superheroes. He looked at his too big shirt and proudly proclaimed, "I'm Superman!" A plastic mask gave him an even braver heart as he yelled to all who would listen, "I'm Ironman!" I snapped this picture and told my bold boy it was time to get in the car. He took off his mask, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You don't want Superman. You don't want Ironman. You always want me!"  Always, sweet boy. I always want the unmasked you. The one who looks cute in costumes but cuter without. The boy who displays the same excitement for life out of character as he does in character. The little guy who knows that high-fiving and fist-bumping a stranger is more important than flashing superhero symbols. Oh, yes, I always, always want you!  This boy. He is a special child. Created by God for a purpose that far outweighs what
Read more

Always There

-
Image
  Five days ago, my son and I discovered a bird's nest in one of our trees. Nothing was in it. Today, we noticed a bird sitting in the nest. Thanks to my six-year-old, our day has been consumed with watching this bird. We go outside and check every few minutes to make sure the bird is still in its nest. It always is. Sometimes it sits there when we approach it and sometimes it flies away but stays close...always watching the nest. A little investigating confirmed what I thought all along, eggs are now in there. That bird is protecting its young.  The last time my boy asked to go check on the bird, I told him he could go check and I would watch from the window. He has never been allowed to go outside on his own so he walked outside trepidatiously at first. Then he looked at me through the window, waved, and with great courage because mom was watching, he ran toward the nest. Much like the protective bird, I watched my little guy until he came safely inside.  A year ago, almost to th
Read more