Relapse



“A relapse is defined as the worsening of a clinical condition that had previously improved.”


I stared at this definition for a solid 30 minutes. I’ve mentioned before that I am in recovery for an eating disorder. Now, I’m at the beginning stages of recovery from a relapse. This isn’t my first slip-up, but it’s my first full-blown relapse, and I feel like a failure.


So what’s one to do when the sin that so easily besets us becomes more than a temptation? What happens when it becomes a reality?


Run to Jesus.


Read that again.


RUN TO JESUS.


It’s what both of my mentors and my husband have told me to do. It’s also what His Word tells us to do - run to Him.


Here’s the thing though, I keep thinking about how easy it was for the people in the bible to run to Jesus because He was in their physical presence. 


“As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.” - Mark 9:15


It’s not as easy now. Not when I can’t “see” Him. 


Except, it is as easy. My shame just makes me complicate it. But, I know Him as my Savior. His death saved my life. His death covered my sin. His death covers ALL my sin.


In running to Jesus I find myself praying these words, “Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed” (Jeremiah 17:14). But the verse doesn’t end there. It goes on to say, “Save me and I will be saved, for YOU ARE MY PRAISE.”


This means I can approach Him with arms wide open. I don’t need to let my shame prevent me from praising Him. I don’t need to let my sorrow keep me from worshiping Him. And, I certainly don’t need my frailty to stop me from loving Him.


So, in this moment, I will run. Straight to Jesus. I’ll allow Him to take the broken pieces of me and form something new. 


“Yet You, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand.” - Isaiah 64:8


May you run to Jesus, too...no matter how conflicted you may feel. There’s healing for you in His presence.


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