Unwasted Grace

My pastor spoke about chains last Sunday and I can't stop thinking about it.  I've never physically been chained, so I can only imagine how real shackles must feel and what relief there must be when they come off. The heaviness, the pain, and the fear of always being stuck must be agonizing. Deep in despair, a person must wonder, "Is this the way it will always be?" But, when you feel like your feet are too heavy to move, your arms are too heavy to lift, and your head is too heavy to hold up, the figurative chains can feel real, too. And you, too, wonder, "Is this the way it will always be?" Will pain prevail? Will destruction win? Will you break under this heavy load? One of my favorite verses right now is in Psalm 107. "He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; He snapped their chains." (v. 14). One version says, "He broke their chains in pieces." How??? How does God do this when it feels this load of heaviness and the deepness o...

“A relapse is defined as the worsening of a clinical condition that had previously improved.” I stared at this definition for a solid 30 minutes. I’ve mentioned before that I am in recovery for an eating disorder. Now, I’m at the beginning stages of recovery from a relapse. This isn’t my first slip-up, but it’s my first full-blown relapse, and I feel like a failure. So what’s one to do when the sin that so easily besets us becomes more than a temptation? What happens when it becomes a reality? Run to Jesus. Read that again. RUN TO JESUS. It’s what both of my mentors and my husband have told me to do. It’s also what His Word tells us to do - run to Him. Here’s the thing though, I keep thinking about how easy it was for the people in the bible to run to Jesus because He was in their physical presence.  “As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.” - Mark 9:15 It’s not as easy now. Not when I can’t “see” Him.  Except, it is as easy...

  “...to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes…” - Isaiah 61:3 CSB When you feel like your sin will define you forever, trusting that He will make beauty for ashes is difficult.   I grew up in Washington State. A few years after the 1980 eruption of Mount Saint Helens, I saw the devastation that still remained.  Ash everywhere. Fallen trees. Destruction.    Yet, there were shrubs and green leaves popping through the piles of ash. Life amid destruction.   There are people who come to Mount Saint Helens and remove ash from the area. They put it through a refining process and create hand blown ornaments full of color and beauty.  If you were to see an ornament, you would not even realize the ash was in there.   That's what God wants to do for you.   Maybe you are in a situation where the pressure of poor choices has created an explosion that threatens to choke the life out of you. Perhaps remnants are still falling. Piles are still s...

Maybe it's trauma from the past, maybe you're in the thick of a trial, or maybe the two have collided, but healing is complicated any way you "slice the pie." One minute you think you have a handle on all the things and the next you are trembling and wondering if you'll ever feel "normal" again. Healing can have so many layers. It's messy and confusing. It fools you into thinking you have jumped over the toughest hurdles before dropping a boulder right in front of you. Just as you begin to feel you are nearing the path of freedom, a chasm opens up and liberation seems further away than ever. The layers seem unending. The pain seems unceasing. The agony seems relentless. Friend, show yourself grace. Healing is hard. You are doing a great job. Oh, I know it doesn't feel like it. I know there is frustration at yourself. Fear as you fight off lies. Disappointment when you realize that your "good day" was disrupted by emotions that you canno...

He appeared to be having an identity crisis. This boy of mine, with a spirit full of joy and an imagination full of superheroes. He looked at his too big shirt and proudly proclaimed, "I'm Superman!" A plastic mask gave him an even braver heart as he yelled to all who would listen, "I'm Ironman!" I snapped this picture and told my bold boy it was time to get in the car. He took off his mask, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You don't want Superman. You don't want Ironman. You always want me!"  Always, sweet boy. I always want the unmasked you. The one who looks cute in costumes but cuter without. The boy who displays the same excitement for life out of character as he does in character. The little guy who knows that high-fiving and fist-bumping a stranger is more important than flashing superhero symbols. Oh, yes, I always, always want you!  This boy. He is a special child. Created by God for a purpose that far outweighs what ...

"For they loved human praise more than praise from God." - John 12:43 I had to check my heart just now. It's the whole reason I was just reading the Bible. It's the reason I stumbled upon the above verse. God is opening up doors for me to do minor work in ministry through writing and sharing my testimony and it is thrilling to my soul.  One of my key verses throughout my struggles has been:  "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." - 2 Corinthians 1:4 There is nothing I desire more than to proclaim what God has done and share with others so that they will find great hope in Him in their own struggles. But opportunities to be a guest writer on a couple websites and an increase in followers on Instagram and suddenly I am dreaming and scheming of BIG ministry. You know...ministry that includes popularity, speaking engagements for large crowds, and ...